Rachel (inugrlrayn) wrote,

Dirge of the Fallen - Part 11

Title: Dirge of the Fallen - part 11 (Rough draft)
Pairing: Ed/Ed
Rating: Almost R for this chapter? NC-17 overall

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33419 / 50000 words. 67% done!

So, my completely epic fail OTP has finally moved into the realm of only mostly epic fail. All I have to say is that I'm not sure whether to hug or hit Al right now.

Edward had left looking agitated. Ed stared after him, but didn’t dare follow, not sure he wanted to know the cause of his alter’s frustration. He’d been acting strangely all day, unfocused, and nearly volatile. Honestly, Ed fumed to himself, he was miserable, his stomach in knots over this thing he shouldn’t be wanting, and he still managed to get things done.

Okay, he sort of managed to get things done, if by that one meant terrorizing the assistants into getting things done. His own work was a mess of incoherent rambling, and not for the first time, he wished there was something he could ask if this insanity was entirely normal. Unfortunately, the only person he was entirely comfortable with, when they weren’t making him a spastic mess of hormones, did not seem in much of a position to help him.

What little concentration he had was interrupted when Edward returned abruptly. He spared an awkward, curious glance at his double, receiving a smile for his efforts. It was impossible not to return it, and for the first time since that day they’d both woken in his bed, it was like all the tension ceased between them for one, blessed second.

It returned full force when he looked up again. Edward was acting even stranger than before, red faced like he was sick, or possibly angry. His eyes would flick up to look at Ed now and again, each time making Ed a little more uneasy. Something had to have inspired this ire against him, right?

“Are you sick or something?” he asked, finally, unable to contain his worry any longer.

“No, no I’m fine. Hey look at the time. We should go.” Edward replied, motioning at the clock. Well, if he wasn’t sick, he must be mad about something. Ed didn’t get the chance to think about it as he was yanked out the door by his wrist. Ed squeaked at being dragged out of the building like that, but Edward didn’t even turn to acknowledge he’d heard.

Edward walked briskly down the sidewalks, in the general direction of the apartment. Ed would have thought his double didn’t even notice his presence if not for the human hand wrapped around his wrist. It was tight enough to be a pain to work himself free of, but not so much as to hurt, so maybe Edward wasn’t actually angry.

“What’s the rush?” he asked, finally managing to pry himself free of Edward’s grip. Edward gave him a considering look, but didn’t answer. Ed frowned to himself, following behind as Edward headed towards the apartment once more, still trying to puzzle out his doppelganger’s actions.

There weren’t really a lot of things Edward would have to be angry at him for. Yes, he was working on something he wasn’t telling Edward about, but his double hadn’t seemed particularly bothered by that. They were both very independent people, and in that at least, they completely understood each other. The only other thing he could think of was… no, Edward couldn’t possibly be angry about Ed having kissed him, could he? He hadn’t even been awake!

Ed fought the urge to run while he still had the chance, following sulkily behind Edward instead. After all, if his double was angry at him about that, he sort of deserved it. It wasn’t like he’d asked permission.

When the apartment building came into view, Edward quickened his pace even more. Funny, Ed felt like he was on a funeral march, and really wished he knew some way to stall the inevitable. He paused outside the front door of the building, and probably would have stood there all day if Edward hadn’t been looking at him very…impatiently, tapping the door with automail fingers.

Oh hell, he was dead either way. He might as well get it over with. Ed took a breath and stepped forward, trying not to notice the way the stairs loomed at him. They seemed to go on forever, and now that he was here, he really just wanted to get up to the apartment so that Edward could yell at him and be done with it already. Somehow, that just made the trek up the stairs seem longer.

Outside the apartment door, Edward cursed under his breath, fumbling with the key in the lock for a moment before he managed to unlock it. Was he shaking? No, Ed decided, he must have imagined it. Even Edward couldn’t be that angry or he’d have heard about it already.

The moment the door closed, he was being spun around, back against the wall with Edward’s hands at each side of his head. He gasped in surprise in spite of it all and watched as Edward stared at him, throat working frantically, his eyes narrowed at Ed.

“I…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have,” Ed squeaked out. Maybe if he apologized, Edward would be marginally less angry.

“Shouldn’t have what?” Edward looked genuinely perplexed.

“The other day, umm… I shouldn’t have k…k…issed you.” his tongue stumbled over the word, and he felt his cheeks heat in shame and embarrassment.

“You did what?” Edward’s eyes grew wide and his arms dropped away, human fingers rising to brush over his own lips. Now he’d done it. All that worrying, and Edward hadn’t even known until he’d gone and spilled his guts over it.

“Sorry,” he managed, frozen like he was just waiting for Edward to take a shot at him. Ed just looked entirely surprised, fingers still pressed faintly against parted lips. Oh hell, and that only made Ed want to do it again.

“It’s…okay,” Edward murmured, his voice so near to silent that Ed barely caught the words.

There was no way he’d heard Edward right, or maybe Edward hadn’t heard him right. In either case, he took advantage of the fact that his double was just standing there staring by ducking away and practically dashing for the safety of his bedroom. Edward still seemed too stunned to follow, and Ed closed the door, sinking to the floor behind it.

He had to get away, get a shower. At least there he’d have a few minutes alone to try to chase away the ridiculous impulse to just reach out and touch Edward. Even there, pinned against the wall, he’d wanted to pull them together, rather than getting away. Ed swallowed hard, gathering up his clothes. Why couldn’t it have been someone, anyone else but Edward? His alter was the one person who he’d been able to depend on, who’d looked out for him. There was no equivalence to this, no logic that let him repay that kindness with this utterly unnatural attraction. It was weird, and it made no sense, and his interest both in self preservation and their friendship would not let him risk Edward’s good graces for some sort of demented base instinct.

Ed emerged from his bedroom and turned very pointedly away from the living room, not trusting himself to even look at Edward right now. He’d already fucked up once, was stunned that Edward had forgiven him for that ill planned kiss, and he wasn’t ready to tempt fate again.

A hand on his shoulder nearly had Ed jumping out of his skin. He turned around and Edward was staring at him, burnished gold eyes narrowed in something unreadable. Edward’s tongue skated out across his lips, wetting them and Ed thought he might die right then and there of sheer want, barely resisting the urge to chase his doppelganger’s tongue with his own. What the hell was wrong with him? The whole idea of wanting him was completely preposterous, wrong, and… and Edward was shaking hard, shoving him against the wall.

Lips closed over his, trembling and clumsy. Ed froze for a moment, unsure of how to respond. All at once, realization crashed over him, and he was kissing back, sloppy and probably completely awful. Edward didn’t seem to care though, standing there with his eyes squeezed shut, fingers splayed tightly against Ed’s shoulder blades like he was terrified that Ed would run away.

Edward pulled away finally, out of breath, air coming in shivering rasps. He didn’t look at Ed, leaning his head against his double’s shoulder as if to hide.

“I…I…” Edward started, his voice halting and unsure, and finally silent. Ed wanted to say something, anything that would make this easy. Maybe it was strange or messed up or something, but they weren’t hurting anyone, and it wasn’t as if they didn’t both want this. At a loss for words, Ed lifted his human hand to Edward’s face. He forced himself to ignore the way his heart was trying to hammer its way out of his chest as he carefully tipped Edward’s chin up, kissing his alter in a soft, shaky brush of lips.

It seemed to be answer enough, and Edward practically pounced on him, pressing wet, unpracticed kisses over Ed’s mouth. There was a tongue in his mouth, sliding against his own, and the part of Ed’s mind that had any coherence left wondered why that didn’t seem gross. The kisses drifted across his jaw, and Ed tugged Edward closer to his body with scrabbling fingers. It wasn’t enough, not by a long shot, and he tilted his head back, baring his throat.

Ed felt a little lost, doing nothing, and slid his hands aimlessly up Edward’s spine and down his sides. It was oddly thrilling to feel Edward shiver against him, to know that he was the one who’d caused it. The thought did not last long, though, lost in kisses as lips found his again. Edward’s human hand tangled in his hair, and he made a small choked sound against his double’s mouth.

Amidst the onslaught of lips and fingers, Ed was unsure how he was even still standing. Edward, at least, seemed to sympathize with his lust weakened knees, nudging them away from the wall, and towards the nearest doorway, the bathroom Ed had been on his way to a moment ago.

Ed groaned in encouragement as Edward’s teeth found his throat, and threw out his hand blindly, desperate to grab onto anything that might keep them from falling. His palm found the cool marble of the bathroom counter, sliding along it until he could curl his fingers around its edge.

He backed up against the counter, pulling himself up to sit on it. Edward’s fingers dragged down his spine, the sensations so new and electrifying, he didn’t really notice his double pressing between his knees until their bodies were flush against each other. The sudden contact was startling in its capacity to leave him breathless, craving more of something he couldn’t quite define. Ed wriggled on the counter, wrapping his legs wantonly around Edward. He let go with his automail arm in favor of pressing it behind him on the counter for balance, knocking the soap dish and toothbrushes into the sink. Even the clatter of plastic on porcelain couldn’t pull their attention from each other, and eventually, Ed tilted forward again, letting go of the counter to wrap metal fingers around Edward’s back.

Ed’s hands swept down Edward’s back, finding their way beneath the hem of his double’s shirt. Edward moaned against Ed’s throat at the contact, skin on skin as Ed grew braver, mismatched palms sliding up beneath his shirt. Edward made a small choked sound, fingers suddenly working their way to Ed’s front, yanking desperately at buttons. Lips and tongue mapped out freshly exposed skin as Edward finished tugging Ed’s shirt open, happily relieving his double of the offending article of clothing. Ed hissed as Edward’s mouth pressed eagerly against his chest, tongue flicking against a nipple completely by accident. Edward seemed to notice his double’s reaction, though, and did it again, soft nips and kisses reducing Ed to incoherent babble.

It was incredible. Really, it was. How he’d managed to live though everything life had thrown at him and not have discovered this was beyond any reasonable logic. It was probably for the best, though. Just the fact that the warm skin beneath his fingers wasn’t his, and the hands pressed against his sides belonged to someone else was enough to drive him to distraction. The sensation was so new, and already addicting. He was sure right now, that if he’d discovered it before, he’d never have accomplished anything.

Somehow, it still wasn’t enough. Every touch left his body screaming, pleading for something more. He ached to be closer, whatever that meant, and settled for pulling insistently at Edward’s shirt until his double let up just long enough to yank the fabric up over his head. The moment Edward dropped the shirt to the ground, Ed coiled around him, every nerve singing, urging them closer. He pressed their bodies together, reveling in the way he could feel Edward’s encouraging murmur rumble through his double’s chest and against his own. He scattered kisses along Edward’s neck, down across his collarbone. The sounds his alter made were every bit as hedonic as the way it had felt to be victim to Edward’s lips and fingers.

Ed’s breath caught when he felt Edward’s hands skim his waist, hesitating near his hips before pulling across his belly. They settled at the clasp on his slacks, teeth nipping possessively at his throat distracting him from the tell tale snap of them being undone. Flesh and blood fingers trailed shakily down the front of his pants, dragging the zipper with them. The pressure was frustratingly light, just enough that he could feel it, his body responding quite happily, suggesting that perhaps this was what he was seeking.

Edward took a deep breath, visibly nerve wracked all over again. Ed shut his eyes, terrified for no good reason, and leaned forward, capturing Edward’s lips in a needy, pleading kiss. Everything seemed to happen at once after that, his own coherence becoming muddied as his mind swam in pure sensation. Edward kissed back, deeper, harder, slowly finding a rhythm they could both follow. Ed hissed as his alter leaned forward, rocking their hips together. It wasn’t enough, not by a long shot, but every new sensation before had always been painful, as if the world were in some sort of morbid competition to see who could make him hurt the most. This didn’t hurt at all, quite the opposite in fact.

Ed was sure he’d died and gone to heaven when he felt Edward’s hand worm between them, inching down his stomach to toy with the waistband of his boxers. He reached out in an attempt to return the favor, but Edward only wiggled away, as if he couldn’t handle anymore sensation at the moment. That left him watching helplessly as Edward considered what was going on, finally leaning forward to lick and nip at Ed’s neck as he slid his fingers under his double’s waistband.

The slam of a door made them both jump, Edward nearly crashing into the wall and Ed teetering on the edge of the counter. Edward’s eyes grew wide, his face nearly crimson as he realized what that meant, and he dashed off towards his room before Ed could say a word.

“Anyone home? I’m back,” Al called from the living room.

“Yeah, I’m just… taking a shower.” Ed hoped his voice didn’t give anything away, but if Al thought anything was amiss, he didn’t say. There was something about a date, some girl named Valerie if his ears didn’t deceive him, though he felt silly for listening in. The explanation was obviously meant for Edward, anyway. Still, he waited to see if there was more, pausing half naked in the middle of the bathroom. When nothing was forthcoming, Ed shut the bathroom door the rest of the way, turning on the cold water.

His body thrummed in pent up frustration, recoiling from the water. Ed growled, tipping his head beneath the spray, trying desperately to forget the feel of lips and fingers trailing across his skin.

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