Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or it's characters and all that jazz
Author's Note: In the Dirge of the Fallen universe (which is only on my LJ right now because it's my NaNo fic and it needs some cleaning up)It's probably going to end up in the multipart story eventually, but it can be read pretty easily on its own.
Summary: Ed and Edward struggle with their relative virginity.
“Do you think we’re doing it wrong?” Ed murmured, nose nuzzled against Edward’s jaw.
“Doing what wrong? I mean, I’m not sure that’s even possible. Kiss, touch, get off is pretty plain and simple,” Edward retorted, mouth twisting down, his brows furrowing in worry even as he spoke. “Why, am I bad at it or something?”
“No!” Ed exclaimed, “Well… at least I don’t think so. I don’t know, really. What I meant was…I guess…surely you hear things about what s…ex is supposed to be like.”
Edward raised an eyebrow at him, trying to decipher the words, finally realizing what he was getting at. “No. Just no. I don’t know about you, but having something that obviously is not meant to fit shoved up my ass does not sound appealing. So, umm… unless you’re volunteering, just no.”
Ed blushed a quite vivid shade of crimson, wilting at the idea. He shook his head rather vehemently, and the subject was dropped for the day. It seemed mostly forgotten for a while in favor of other activities.
Still, the idea stuck, and sometimes Ed couldn’t help but try to puzzle out exactly what might possess a person to do such a thing. There had to be some reason, right? He just couldn’t figure out how it could possibly feel good. The logistics of it just seemed a little boggling.
It was only a matter of time before curiosity got the better of him. The library wasn’t exactly helpful in explaining the why of it all, but a quick foray through a section of books he’d generally avoided like the plague at least deciphered how to accomplish such a thing. After he was sure he’d learned as much as he could here, he slid the last book he’d pick up back onto the shelf. Ed turned around, squeaking in indignant surprise as he found himself faced with Edward.
“What are you doing here?” he finally grated out. Edward’s expression answered for him. He looked vaguely horrified at having been caught, his entire face flushing in embarrassment.
“I just… wanted to figure out why… well what are you doing here?” Edward finally demanded.
“What do you think?” Ed hissed, only fear of the librarian coming and demanding to know what he was shouting about keeping him from raising his voice.
They both admitted defeat at that point, slinking from the aisle without another word. They stalked out of the library side by side, only the fact that they were both equally embarrassed about the whole ordeal keeping them from running away from each other full throttle. If any of the other library patrons noticed them, they were wise enough not to comment.
Knowledge alone did not instigate any desire to actually put their newfound information to use. If anything, it made the whole mess a little bit scarier. Ed was convinced that people who did this sort of thing had to be somewhat masochistic, because the book he’d read had made it very clear that if you didn’t do things exactly right, it potentially hurt a great deal. Why do something the human body obviously wasn’t really built for, anyway?
Still, trepidation did not entirely kill his curiosity. He toyed with the idea of figuring it out for himself, but that brought up a whole different sort of problem. Being with Edward was a bit like the years he’d spent with his brother in the fact that they were nearly always together. His body was generally more appreciative of Edward than it had been of Al. The upside of being with someone nearly identical to himself was the fact that their libidos matched, pretty much stride for stride. This was also the downside because it really didn’t lend itself to any sort of experimentation unless he wanted company. In this particular instance, he really wasn’t sure that he did.
Eventually, Ed’s penchant for inquisitiveness got the better of him. Al was at work, and Edward was checking on something at the labs, leaving Ed to his own devices. He was about to step into the shower when he realized the potential having a little time on his own presented. Briefly, he ran over a mental list, instruction he’d read about how this was meant to work.
Lube. That had been the first thing he remembered, emphasized over and over in everything he managed to get his hands on, so it was probably fairly important. A quick glance around the bathroom turned up a bottle of lotion, and he wasn’t about to go look for something better. It was slick between his fingers and thumb when he drizzled some over them, and he figured it would work for the moment.
His breath was already coming in short pants, body on edge in anticipation. Relax, he’d read that somewhere too, and hell if he knew how he was supposed to manage it. He thought about the shower, the warm spray across his shoulders always had him lulled into something almost like being half asleep by the time he was done. It wasn’t really an option though, because the water would wash away the lotion, and how the hell did anyone even manage this? He growled in frustration, almost writing the whole thing off simply for the fact that it seemed far more trouble than it was worth.
He was not going to be defeated by a simple thing like logistics problems. He was supposed to lead up to this, right? Well, that at least was something where he had an idea of what he was doing. It didn’t occur to him to be bothered by leaning against the back of the toilet. Years spent jerking off in bathrooms because it was the only place he could get away from Al for a minute had released him of all embarrassment on the issue.
A hand around his cock, drew a shuddery moan, a familiar hitched breath as he fell into rhythm. The whole thing was almost disappointing in its lack of intensity. It felt good, but didn’t hold a candle to Edward. Still, it didn’t take long until he was losing himself to it, only the fact that he was on a mission keeping him from following through and allowing himself to simply tip over the edge.
It was then that he began to wonder if he could actually manage. After all, metal fingers seemed like a bad idea. The joints might catch on something and while he was rather dubious about it feeling good to begin with, he was quite positive an accident like that wouldn’t be at all pleasant. His human hand, though, was otherwise occupied.
After a few moments mulling it over, much to the complaint of his body, he carefully switched hands, surprised at the difference in sensation when it was metal dragging delicately over heated skin. He fumbled with the lotion pump, messily smearing some over his fingers, ignoring the way his hand trembled.
A few strokes of automail fingers and he was focused there again, desperately concentrating on that rather than the way his other hand curved around his back. It settled hesitantly at his tailbone before slipping down, pausing as he drew in a few deep breaths, trying to relax again. There was a moment of pressure, his own hand shifting, and he bit down on his lip against the sensation, fighting the urge to tense up at the intrusion.
One smooth motion and a single finger was seated inside him to the last knuckle. He choked in surprise at the sensation, the tension that sang through him making it a little bit uncomfortable. Back to his cock, rocking slowly into his automail hand had him relaxed again. He shifted his wrist, experimentally pulling the digit out and back in, surprised that somewhere along the way it had stopped feeling strange and just felt good, piquing his interest a little more.
There was a mournful pause where he realized he was in need of more lotion, hastily rubbing it across to fingers before he returned to what he’d been doing, hesitating less than the first time as he pressed a second one in. The uncomfortable feeling returned, a faint burning sensation along with it, but he gritted his teeth and rode it out, and eventually that passed.
Something, he was supposed to be doing something other than just the simple in and out motions, but he couldn’t seem to remember what. Finally, he pulled enough coherent thought together to remember and splayed his fingers, grimacing at the burning sensation it produced. From what he could tell though, it was a necessary evil, so he bit his lip and bore it, relaxing again as the pain ebbed, replaced by another feeling altogether.
It was the same when he finally worked his way up to a third finger, stretching and prodding, shocked at the way it made his back arch in pleasure. Now, at least, he was beginning to understand. His nerves sang, threatening to snap at any moment.
He crooked his fingers entirely by accident, and the world exploded in front of his eyes. What had come before had already been enough to explain to him why people did this, but that… That put him into overload, and he was coming harder than he could remember having done in quite a while. A moan dragged its way from his lips, stowing away amidst frantic, panting breaths.
Ed slumped against the wall, struggling to catch his breath. Now to just sort out how convince Edward that it really was less strange than it sounded.
Sneaky sounded like a good idea. Sadly, being intimate with someone who was very nearly an exact double made that far more difficult than it ought to have been. It started with a vial of oil on the nightstand, ostensibly because it was better than spit if one was giving a hand job. Edward gave him a look that might have looked like he bought it if Ed didn’t know it quite so intimately on his own face, painfully aware that Edward knew he was full of it.
Two weeks later and it was still sitting on the night side table. Edward generally ignored it. Every time Edward’s hands slid between Ed’s legs, he’d shift and wiggle in what he thought was an encouraging manner, the closest he could bring himself to actually asking for that. The gesture seemed fairly lost on Edward, though, much to Ed’s aggravation. Finally, he’d had had enough of skirting the issue or ignoring it altogether.
There were possessive, heated kisses that punctuated many of their mornings, Ed’s body woken just enough from slumber to realize it wanted. Edward nipped and sucked at his throat, fingers straying lazily down the knobs of his spine, settling at the small of his back.
“So… what if I did volunteer to…you know, umm… “ Ed flushed, only his sleepiness and lust steeling his resolve even that far. Still, Edward knew exactly what he was talking about, and seemed to mull the idea over. He wrinkled his nose at the idea, but finally gave.
“You better not whine about it if you don’t like it, though,” Edward warned.
“It should be fine, but if you hurt me, I will kick your teeth in,” Ed shot back, drawing a glare from his counterpart.
Edward snorted but said nothing, and soon all was forgotten in a flurry of kisses and bites trailing down Ed’s throat, their personal parody of foreplay. A tongue down his chest, pausing to work over a nipple, and Ed was reduced to a litany of curses, nervous as if they’d never touched before. It made him feel giddy, the newness of it all, and he quivered in excitement and trepidation as Edward lazily dappled his skin in kisses.
He could barely remember a time he’d been quite this aware. Fingers raked lightly over his belly on their way to grasp at his hips, making his muscles twitch. Edward’s knees nudged his own legs apart so that he could settle between them. It seemed far more vulnerable than usual, worry and excitement both prodding at him in equal measure. Edward’s lips never left his skin, making silent promises as they trailed down his breastbone, over his stomach, pausing at the hollows of his hips.
Edward, never one much for warning, abruptly pulled Ed into his mouth, devouring him whole. Ed gasped, his body forming an arc over the mattress before it started to compensate for the sensation. He sank back into the pillows as Edward’s head bobbed almost frantically between his legs, his mind slowly being reduced to putty. He thought to complain that that wasn’t what he wanted, but the idea fled as quickly as it came, words far too difficult to hold onto in his present state. He did, however, manage a nervous smile when Edward released him just long enough to grab the telltale bottle of oil from the bedside table.
“You really sure about this?” Edward hovered above him, nose wrinkled in mild distaste. Ed blanched a little when he realized Edward, who never stopped to think about anything, was waiting for a response.
“I…umm… Fuck, would you stop making me think about it and just do something, already?” Ed spat in lieu of an actual answer. Edward shrugged, dipping his head to drag his tongue up Ed’s cock from base to tip. Ed shuddered, allowing himself to be distracted as Edward struggled with the cap on the little glass bottle, only his mouth’s current occupation keeping him from cursing at it.
Ed wouldn’t have noticed when he actually managed to finagle it open, save for the few drops of cool liquid that spilled over the top of his thigh, making it quiver. Edward rubbed it experimentally between his thumb and fingers, apparently coming to a positive conclusion about it after a moment. He tipped more of the bottle over his fingertips, withdrawing his lips from Ed’s cock to see what he was doing. Ed looked up, nervous all over again, despite his own assurances that it really was worth all the trouble.
“The hell are you looking at?” Edward mumbled, looking up from being fascinated by his own oil slicked fingers to meet Ed’s eye, cheeks pinking in mild embarrassment.
“I have a right to see what you’re doing to me,” Ed fumed, very nearly getting up out of irritation.
“Well… would you not? You’re making it even weirder,” Edward murmured, his lips twisted into an embarrassed frown.
Ed held his gaze for a moment before flopping back down on the bed. “Fine, but I swear, you better not…”
Whatever he was going to say was cut off by Edward snapping at him, “I know. Fuck, if you’re really that spazzy about it, why don’t you do it yourself?”
Ed flailed a bit, trying to come up with an answer that wouldn’t just embarrass him more, but Edward didn’t seem to be waiting for one. He looked at his hands briefly, probably considering the same dilemma Ed had discovered in the bathroom, and finally leaned forward, settling on his hands and knees. He drew Ed’s cock into his mouth, more teasingly this time, leaning most of his weight on his automail.
Edward slid his hand hesitantly along the inside of Ed’s thigh, stopping frequently along the way. He glanced at Ed’s face every time his head bobbed upwards, until Ed’s cheeks turned red and he tilted his face towards the headboard, if nothing else to hide his embarrassment. Just when he thought Edward was never actually going to do anything after all, he closed the rest of the distance, warm, slick fingers sliding between Ed’s cheeks.
Ed sucked in a breath, chanting over and over in his head that he really just needed to relax. Edward seemed to catch on to his anxiety, though, letting Ed’s cock drop from his mouth and looking up through his bangs.
“Are you okay? You seem kinda tense,” he murmured, about as close to affectionate as he ever got in words.
“I’m fine. Don’t fucking stop you jerk,” Ed grated out. Edward seemed to take that as a do this right now sort of command, and with no other preamble, pressed forward until his finger was fully sheathed. The tension made it far more uncomfortable than the first time, and Ed let out a soft, hiccupped growl.
Edward at least had the sense to just stay put for a minute, waiting for the grimace to ease itself from Ed’s features. Eventually, Ed managed to relax, leaving only a strange feeling behind. Once Ed began to lose the tension in his muscles, Edward slid his hand back, almost completely dislodging his finger and then pushed forward again, anxiously watching Ed’s face.
When Ed didn’t frown or tell him to stop, Edward tried again, flicking his wrist surprisingly gently. The rhythm was less stilted than it had been when it was Ed’s own fingers, their position making it far less awkward so far as mechanics were concerned. After a while, Ed began to notice that it felt surprisingly good, even though Edward wasn’t sucking him off any longer. The feeling Edward’s movement produced made his toes curl a bit, a different sort of pleasure from what he was used to.
“Do you want more?” Edward squeaked out, breaking the silence between them. His face was scarlet at his own words, and the fact that he was saying something not laced with anger gave Ed pause before it registered what was being asked. He forced himself to nod, and supposed he should be grateful that Edward acquiesced immediately, before he had the chance to get nervous and tense again.
That uncomfortable pressure again, though not so much as before. It dissipated faster this time, now that Edward had some idea of what he was doing. Fingers splayed apart experimentally, but Ed hardly noticed the burn amidst well placed kisses across his hips. He decided he was glad they’d taken so long to get here. If it was difficult now, it would have been murder to go through back when they had no idea of what felt good.
That spot again, and Ed was supremely glad that Edward was ignoring his cock, because just the fact that Edward was grazing it now and again, fucking Ed with his fingers was enough to make the light flash behind his eyes. Edward had caught on, grinning at the way Ed squirmed on the mattress, fingers searching in earnest. Ed’s lips bubbled hiccupped sobs, unsure of how he’d even managed to last this long. So close, so very close…
“Do you think you’re ready yet? My wrist hurts,” Edward complained, a hint of a frown on his lips.
Ed looked blearily up, trying to puzzle out what Edward was saying. He couldn’t really tell if there was an insult in that, and was honestly nearly as impatient, if still a little unsure. Actually letting Edward have sex with him couldn’t be that much more uncomfortable than having two fingers inside him though, could it?
“I guess?” he squeaked out, ignoring the relieved look on Edward’s face as he pulled his hand away in favor of slicking himself with more oil from the bottle. He looked down at Ed for a second, visibly working out the logistics, and finally lifted Ed’s hips a bit. He leaned over until he was pressing against Ed, pausing for only a second before rocking forward. Edward’s stunned, pleasured cry as he figured out exactly why it was worth his wrist being sore was the last thing Ed heard before he started to regret saying he was ready.
Okay, so maybe impatience was a bad thing after all. Ed groaned, fighting the urge to double over. It hurt, burning through his stomach in a way that made him want to throw up. Edward frantically pulling out was almost as bad, and he barely noticed the way his double hovered over him, nuzzling his cheek in lieu of petting with his still slicked hand.
“Oh fuck, I’m sorry. Are you okay?” Edward murmured worriedly at his ear, and he forced himself to nod. Already the pain was ebbing away, and he was not going to be defeated by something so ridiculous as this. A few more stuttering breaths and it had disappeared almost completely, leaving him feeling only very empty.
“I’m okay, it’s okay…Just go a little slower maybe,” Ed managed to whimper, trying to ignore the doubtful look on Edward’s face.
Edward shook his head, muttering something that might have been accusing Ed of being some sort of masochist. Still, he reached up and grabbed one of the pillows from the head of the bed, gracelessly shoving it under Ed’s hips. He licked his lips, trembling as he slide forward once more, visibly fighting the urge to thrust his hips.
Ed did his best to relax, and at least that initial disaster made the second time considerably less painful. It was no worse than Edward’s fingers had been, burning faintly, then a little more when he nodded for Edward to slide forward the rest of the way.
“Fuck, I…” Edward panted hard, resting his head on Ed’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. It’s okay this time,” Ed confirmed, very much relieved to not feel like he was being ripped apart from the inside out.
“Can I move? Please say I can move,” Edward mumbled against his shoulder, just barely waiting for Ed to nod before he was pulling nearly out and back in again. There was a choking sob at Ed’s ear and he could feel the way Edward strained against the urge to abandon any control he had. He wasn’t sure he actually appreciated said control anyway, now that it was starting to feel good, and he moaned softly in encouragement.
That was all it took and Edward made a low, happy noise, picking up the pace. He wrapped his hand around Ed’s cock almost as an afterthought, but it was more than enough to tip the scales. Ed’s fingers tightened, clenching in his pillow, resulting in it being pulled upward against the top of his head like it might keep his brain from leaking out. He panted and moaned, coming hard all over his belly, and barely heard the way Edward cried out when Ed’s body tightened up in release.
Edward thrust into him a handful of times before collapsing with a happy, sated sound, trembling against Ed in the afterglow. It was long, blissful moments before Ed thought he might be able to piece together a coherent sentence.
“Fuck…that was…” Okay, semi-coherent.
“Incredible,” Edward finished, burying his face against Ed’s neck, muffling the soft sound he made as he pulled out.
They lay together, catching their breath, and it was only as he finally began to come back down that Ed noticed the way Edward held his flesh and blood hand far away from them, like it had the plague. Before, he’d had a shower immediately after, and hadn’t registered the mess involved, but now he felt rather sticky and uncomfortable. He wiggled out of Edward’s grasp, grimacing at the slick wet spot on the sheets as his leg slid over it.
“I think I’m gonna go…wash my hands,” Edward mumbled, wrinkling his nose as he got out of bed.
“I think I need a shower,” Ed confirmed, not sure what to make of the strange feeling Edward pulling out had left him with. It was not terribly unpleasant, just empty.
“So… is it worth it? All the mess and stuff, and fuck I didn’t mean to hurt you. I won’t next time, I mean, if there’s a next time and…well, I dunno, you seemed to be having fun mostly, maybe we should switch places next time. Fuck, I really hope I didn’t hurt you too much.” Ed listened to Edward’s nervous babbling as they made their way to the bathroom, shaking his head in amusement.
“I didn’t kick your teeth in, did I?”