Rachel (inugrlrayn) wrote,
Rachel
inugrlrayn

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Song of the Broken Hearted - Part 16

Title: Song of the Broken Hearted - Part 16
Fandom: FMA
Pairing: RoyxEd, Alter!RoyxEd
Author: inugrlrayn
Rating: NC-17 (as of this chapter)
Author's Note: Wow, sorry for the epic fail there in updating. I didn't actually mean to set this down for a year. I reread the old stuff and I can't even express the difficulty I'm having resisting the urge to rewrite it all, but then I'd never finish it, and that would be unproductive, so my apologies and enjoy the chapter or something. XD
Summary: Post movie. Ed has resigned himself to being stuck on our side of the Gate. Roy tries to find a way to bring him and Al home and the ensuing accident results in both a moral and emotional dilemma.

All Chapters Here



The world felt in constant flux in the months that followed, shifting mercilessly beneath Ed’s feet. Despite the difficulty of it all, he couldn’t find it in himself to mind. His brother was lost in the tumult of wedding plans and house shopping, and for all the years spent bodiless and numb, Ed could begrudge him nothing.

Eventually, it was decided that they would stay here, in the apartment Ed and Al had shared for what felt like ages. He’d expected to have their entire apartment reduced to stacks of boxes, but the only things packed away were his own meager possessions. Mostly, he left it all behind, taking care that his brother and bride to be lacked for nothing.

“Tell me. Did you leave anything actually at the bookstore?” Roy asked as he and Ed lugged the last of his belongings into the little house that had somehow become theirs. Ed smiled at that, though he’d be damned if he’d own up to it.

Ed followed Roy up the porch steps, kicking the door shut behind him. For so long, the world had existed in terms of temporary, he’d never dared hope to belong anywhere. Now though, as he watched the awkward sway of Roy’s hips as he carted a box down the hall, all he could breathe out was home.

“I’m putting these in the closet,” Roy grumbled from off ahead of him, dragging Ed back to here and now, and oh no he was not.

“I’m reading those,” Ed argued, huffing as he tried to see over his own box of books to follow Roy.

“All of them?” Roy asked, setting the box down in the corner of the guest room with a heavy thud. His voice was laced with something suspiciously like amusement, and Ed would be damned if he was going to let the man laugh at him.

“I read them,” he growled, holding his own box very threateningly near to Roy’s head. Roy didn’t even have the decency to pretend to believe he’d actually drop it, only letting his lips quirk in a fond, laughing sort of smile. Ed wanted to be irritated, but that look drove him to something helpless… helpless and warm.

“I hope you were planning to sleep with me because I think we’re going to have to turn this into a library,” Roy murmured, his eyes flicking over Ed as he finally relinquished his hold on the other box of books.

Ed gulped because he had been thinking about it, in more ways, perhaps, than he dared give voice to. Their frantic stumbling in the dark, rain battering the windowpane seemed so very long ago, and Ed could almost forget the disaster it had been. They were careful now, and save for the night Roy had invited him to move in, they’d scarcely progressed beyond a few heated kisses. He had no idea, however, how he was meant to maintain that control when they were sharing a bed, or… if he even needed to.

“You don’t have to. I was only teasing.” Roy’s voice broke through Ed’s reverie, drawing him unwillingly until his eyes were lost in Roy’s dark, open gaze. There was something there Ed wasn’t sure he recognized, but he wrote it off as his own tired mind playing tricks on him.

“I’m not sure I can share a bed with someone who wants to shove my books in a closet,” Ed quipped, hiding his nerves behind a bright, teasing smile.

“It’s for both our good really. If I don’t hide them, you’ll start bringing them to bed and then I won’t even be able to see you for all the books.” Roy gave Ed a very dramatically serious look as he climbed to his feet.

“Who’re you calling so short he…” Ed scowled, pouncing on Roy, sending them both sprawling on the empty bed. Whatever tirade Ed planned to go on was cut short by the welcoming, playful press of lips against his. He didn’t mean to, but Ed couldn’t help the way his body melted pleadingly against Roy’s.

“Jerk,” he finally muttered between panting breaths against Roy’s lips.

“Brat,” Roy hissed back, but he was laughing when all was said and done and clutching Ed against him like something wonderful, and how was Ed supposed to stay angry at that.

“You’re insufferable,” Ed settled on, the insult lost between soft kisses and the decidedly unintimidating way he couldn’t keep himself from purring as Roy’s fingers combed through his hair.

“Truce then?” Roy’s lips tickled the edge of Ed’s ear, and it wasn’t fair that Roy could be such a prude, and they weren’t even standing up, and his knees still felt like jelly.

Ignoring the urge to lift his head and kiss Roy senseless, Ed only settled heavily against his chest. “Truce.”

They made it through the evening somehow, and by the end Ed was feeling silly for ever wondering if they would. Confined to a house, they were still the same, and when he stopped thinking about the sheer gravity of this, there was nothing at all out of the ordinary about it. If he ignored his boxes in the guest room and his tooth brush on the bathroom counter, he could pretend that nothing had even changed.

Except everything had changed. The clock hit midnight, and normally that would have been long since Ed’s cue to go home. He almost stood up, but Roy glanced up mildly from whatever he was writing, a subtle reminder that he was home.

“It’s getting late,” Ed murmured, for the first time not referring to the fact that he should probably be leaving now. It left something strange and tight in his chest, a wonderful sort of dread dripping from there to pool in his belly.

“You going to bed?” Roy asked, pen still perched between his fingers.

“Yeah…” Ed paused, wondering if Roy planned to invite himself along. Ed thought to invite him to follow, but the words caught in his throat and died on his lips and all he managed was, “You coming?”

It was apparently more than invitation enough because Roy followed with a sleepy sort of nod. The hallway was far too long all of a sudden, and the trip too short because Ed had no idea how to handle this anymore. It had been simple with the General, where they’d fallen into bed and sorted out the rest as it happened. This, though… this mattered, in a bruising, perfect sort of way that made Ed shake down to his bones.

What was the deal, anyway? He’d seen Roy in less than he was wearing now, and they were serious enough about this that all of Ed’s possessions lingered in this very same house. Refusing to be daunted, Ed did his best to pretend there was no reason to be nervous as he pulled off his shirt.

From the corner of his eye, he watched Roy strip himself of all but his boxers. The shirt fell away to reveal smooth, pale skin, untouched by war or violence. Ed’s eyes were glued to the contours of his chest, the faint taper of his waist, and honestly he had no idea how the man managed to stay in shape sitting around writing all day. He was pretty anyway, and Ed sharply yanked back on the urge to reach out and just touch.

The pants came next and Ed only just barely stifled a groan as they fell to the ground in a soft whoosh of fabric, and the familiar thud of belt buckle against the wooden floor. Ed crawled into bed and under the covers, tearing his eyes away from the tantalizing view of Roy’s only barely dressed form and hoping he wasn’t too obvious.

Roy was thankfully apparently oblivious. He slipped beneath the blankets, immediately settling beside Edward. He said goodnight, punctuating the word with his lips pressed to Ed’s just like any other night.

Only it wasn’t any other night. There was nowhere to go but into Roy’s arms, and Ed’s eyes slipped shut as Roy’s lips pulled at his. Kisses like this left him panting, but now there was no heading out into the night to sleep off his strangled thoughts alone in his room.

Now, he could feel the racing patter of Roy’s heart trying to beat its way out of his chest. It was strangely endearing, to know he was just as nerve wracked despite the confident clutch of fingers between Ed’s shoulder blades, like he was utterly certain Ed wasn’t wanting to go anywhere anyway.

Reluctantly, Ed drew back. He left Roy sprawled on his back, rolling over to face the wall. He bit his lip to stifle the way his breath kept catching in his throat, the memory of Roy’s mouth over his sending a pleasant thrum down his spine.

He would be good. He would ignore the steady in and out rhythm of Roy’s breathing at his back. He would pretend he couldn’t feel the warmth of another body under the covers, or the way Roy staring at his back in the dark was a tangible thing. Ed let his eyes slip shut, trying to get comfortable.

His own breathing was deafening in the dark. His reactions were ludicrous because how many times had he done this on another world? Only no, he’d never stayed for the General save once, and it had been one last peaceful sunrise before his world had collapsed around his ears.

Ed rolled back over, as if to assure himself that it wouldn’t happen this time. Roy was still there, dark eyes gleaming in the moonlight that wormed through the edges of the blinds. The look on his face was expectant and utterly oblivious to Ed’s inner turmoil, but Ed could not begrudge that.

“Ed?” Roy asked when the silence stretched out between them. Whatever he expected, it did not appear to be Ed leaning forward to close the distance between them. A soft sigh whooshed past his lips as Ed tugged him closer, offering up a lingering kiss.

There was something immensely satisfying about the way that Roy knew what he was doing, but only just. He returned each press of Ed’s lips like he belonged there, and his hands fit in all the right places, skimming the length and breadth of Ed’s back. There, the practiced ease of this ended. The soft, whimpering sounds he made as Ed’s tongue flicked across his lips were utterly sinful, shooting down Ed’s front until he had to shift his hips away for fear of moving too fast.

Ed relinquished Roy’s lips with a satisfied smile, noting the faint pout visible even in the near dark around them. Years he’d been so, so good, but Roy’s body was warm and kept shifting closer. Eventually, Roy was practically pinned beneath flesh and automail hands, and Ed could only helplessly give in.

Roy’s jaw fell victim first, to the soft tickle of honey blond hair and damp, kiss swollen lips. Ed found the hollow where jaw met neck and sucked, and the low, keening sound Roy made send delicious shivers down his spine. He lingered there, greedy for more, and only moving on when Roy’s fingers were clutching aimlessly at his back.

Roy’s throat was warm, and gave under the press of Ed’s mouth. Roy shuddered beneath him, drawing Ed’s attention, and for a moment he worried that he’d gone too far. He began to pull away, but the pads of Roy’s fingers dug into his shoulders, and Roy’s voice was rasping and familiar. “No, no don’t stop.”

A relieved smile curled on Ed’s lips at that. He looked skeptically at Roy anyway. They’d waited this long and he’d be damned if he’d muck it up now. Roy only stared up at him with pleading eyes and gasping breaths, waiting for Ed to decide. “Please?”

That word on those lips, and Ed was entirely unstrung. Roy tipped his head just right to expose more of his throat to the wet slide of Ed’s tongue that it would have only been cruel to resist. Ed’s teeth found their way along the column of Roy’s throat to the tune of low, appreciative murmurs, and the upward press of Roy’s body to his.

Roy’s hands refused to be still, like he didn’t quite know what he was meant to do with them. It occurred to Ed that this was probably entirely new, but he didn’t dare ask, didn’t dare say a word. He only tried to be careful, to fight against the urge to get completely swept up in the overwhelming need that tugged at him.

Balancing himself on the automail, Ed skimmed Roy’s side with human fingers, relishing the way pale skin quivered at his every touch. His hand slipped over the fabric of Roy’s boxers, cradling his hip for a moment before edging back upwards with a patience Ed wasn’t even aware he possessed. It was then that Roy seemed to catch on, carefully tracing the knobs of Ed’s spine and humming something that sounded vaguely pleased.

When Roy seemed only encouraging, Ed edged further down, mouthing at the delicate line of Roy’s collarbone. There was a low, wordless hiss, coupled with clenching fingers that made Ed smile against Roy’s skin. It was familiar and not, all of the quiet and none of the control. It was a state of affairs he intended to rectify.

“It’s not like the windows are open. No one’s gonna hear you,” he murmured, nipping at Roy’s shoulder, because his mouth and his hands were intent on doing something.

He sensed Roy look at him more than actually seeing it, and he swore he could feel the mortification Roy was apparently caught up in at the idea of being any less than poised. Ed shook his head, lowering his lips to the junction of Roy’s neck and shoulder. “Just relax.”

Whatever complaint Roy might have voiced about how he was relaxed seemed to catch in his throat as Ed’s teeth pressed down. Ed rocked his hips forward, inwardly preening at the keening sound Roy made, and the way his fingers fell from Ed’s body to clutch at the blankets.

Unappeased by anything less than Roy being as completely mindless as he himself wanted to be, Ed pressed on. Curiously, he traced a nipple with his tongue. Roy reacted as if he’d been shocked, arching off the bed as if he intended to glue himself to Ed by sheer willpower.

Teeth nipping at the nub drew a low, pleading whine from Roy’s lips, but Ed did his best to be sure there was no time to think about it. His mouth trailed suggestively lower, tongue tracing the faint outline of Roy’s ribs. Ed ignored the inclination to smile at the shaky rise and fall of Roy’s stomach as he struggled to keep his breathing even.

Ed wanted, wanted everything, and it was only when he glanced up at Roy’s face, wide dark eyes locked on his every move, that he remembered again how new this was. He’d never been much for control, but Ed could feel himself unraveling as he listened to the quiet, desperate sounds Roy made trying to keep himself in check. If he could just listen to that and watch way his companion squirmed under him and know it was his fault, suddenly that was worth all the time he’d waited for this.

All this time for what, though? They’d never really said, but Roy was flushed and panting and perfect, and Ed could no more stop touching him than he could stop breathing, so he braced himself, hoping Roy wouldn’t ask him to. He told himself he wasn’t nervous as he sat up enough to drag flesh and automail along Roy’s sides. Roy’s eyes shone in the moonlight through the window, tracing the path of a steel hand over his skin like his world was reduced to the realization that even with metal fingers, Ed could still be gentle. Ed couldn’t be certain what he was thinking, but whatever it was, he relaxed, hardly so much as flinching when Ed cautiously plucked at the waistband of his boxers.

For a moment, Ed thought they were going to have to stop here. Roy went still, though he didn’t actually offer up any sort of complaint. Ed had never really thought about Roy in terms of age or innocence, but he couldn’t help the way it struck him now as he carefully edged his fingers along Roy’s stomach. Whether it was age or the military, or years of experience, the General had had a perfect sort of confidence and control that Roy couldn’t hope to capture, and for that, Ed was beyond relieved. Roy swallowed and lifted his hips, and all he looked like to Ed was young and hopelessly trusting. It was a heavy burden, and Ed vowed to make it worth every effort it took.

It was different from before, not nearly so frantic, though Ed couldn’t remember ever wanting something so badly. Ed stretched out over Roy, ignoring all the rest to kiss him, because he rather liked kissing Roy, naked or not. He wasn’t sure if it would help, but eventually Roy’s fingers found their way to his sides, less hesitant than before, so he was pretty certain he’d done something right. Roy’s hands slipped lower, pulling insistently at the last bit of clothing between them.

Ed shifted to help, sucking in a breath as his boxers slipped down over his hips. There was a great deal of difference between the idea of being this close and this naked and the real thing. His knees ended up between Roy’s thighs, and the feel of someone else’s warm, bare skin against his beneath the blankets was almost overwhelming all on its own.

Ed resolved to just forget whatever he might want in favor of making this perfect. There was plenty of time, the rest of their lives even. He thought perhaps that should have made him nervous, but all Ed could do was smile at the pleasant ache in his chest and sink into Roy’s outstretched arms.

Tempting as it was, Ed avoided kissing Roy again, if only because it was thoroughly addictive. He mouthed at Roy’s throat, grinning at the hammering pulse beneath his lips. Fingers clutched at his shoulders as his teeth scraped over pale, tender flesh, and there was something infinitely satisfying about the stuttered gasp that tumbled from Roy’s lips as he arched up against Ed.

Roy was leaner than Ed ever remembered the General being, though his memory was admittedly hazy and seldom consulted these days. There were no battle scars littered across Roy’s chest, Ed’s lips only meeting flawless skin as they travelled downward. Roy’s fingers found their way to Ed’s hair, faltering only slightly as they combed through it.

The next to fall to the conquest of Ed’s kisses was Roy’s belly, the muscles quivering in nerves or expectation. Roy’s fingers clutched against Ed’s scalp, and there was a forced sort of stillness to the rest of him, as if he might lose control entirely if he moved an inch. Ed grinned, tipping his head so that he could lap at the hollows of Roy’s hips with his tongue.

“Ed,” Roy breathed out, the word hardly more than a whisper in Ed’s ears. Ed flicked his tongue over Roy’s length finally, dragging it from base to tip to the tune of a sharp, plaintive whine and Roy’s body jerking beneath him. He reveled in the nearly forgotten silken texture of it against his mouth, and couldn’t resist glancing through the thick fall of his bangs at the way Roy lifted his head to stare, looking utterly awestruck.

Roy’s head flopped back against the pillows, and Ed could just make out the way he pulled his lip between his teeth to stifle a low moan. Ed finally gave in, pulling the head of Roy’s cock between his lips and inching his way down to take in everything he could. Only his automail hand pressing Roy’s hips down against the mattress kept them from arching upward and choking him.

It was sinfully easy to fall into somewhat of a steady rhythm. Roy made soft, pleading sounds Ed had never heard with each downward press of lips and tongue. They were perfect and addictive, and Ed thought he could probably deal with getting nothing else out of this if it meant he got to hear them for a few moments longer.

Ed bobbed his head mercilessly, trying not to smile at the way Roy’s hips pushed almost desperately up against his metal palm. Roy’s hands had found their way to the blankets, and judging from the way they were clenched and tugging, he was pretty certain he was glad they were no longer in his hair. He sucked harder, pushing Roy’s length up against the roof of his mouth.

Lost in a low, pleading whimper, it took Ed a moment to register that Roy was saying anything at all. It sounded like no more than incoherent encouragement, so Ed largely ignored it beyond his own pleasure at having elicited the reaction. It was only when Roy’s hand worked itself free of the covers to swat aimlessly at his shoulder that Ed looked up, frowning with worry as he let Roy’s cock fall from his lips. “What’s wrong?”

“No… nothing.” Roy panted from between parted lips. He glanced away for a moment, his expression almost pleading when he finally met Ed’s eyes again. “Just… not like this?”

“Not like…” Ed never finished the question, though his mouth went dry as he realized the implication. He swallowed against it, biting his lip for a moment, almost not daring to believe his ears. “Are you sure?”

It was on the tip of his tongue to ask if Roy was really, really sure, but something in Roy’s expression stopped him. He smiled like he knew exactly what he was getting himself into. If he was nervous, he hid it well, only nodding his head and wriggling enough to reach the bedside table and open the drawer.

“Were you planning this?” Ed blurted out, his mind reeling at the idea.

It seemed entirely unfair, the way Roy didn’t even seem to miss a step. The smile he gave Ed was a bit sheepish, his cheeks tinged pink even in the moonlight, but his voice barely hiccupped as he murmured. “Well… not tonight exactly, but… Ed I </i>love</i> you. Is it so strange that I’d want to be close to you?”

“You’re close to me all the time,” Ed muttered, but the words caught in his throat like glue. It meant something, and Ed’s fingers shook faintly as he let Roy press a small bottle into his hand.

Roy relaxed beneath him, closed eyed and quiet. The sheer trust Roy put in him was like a kick in the gut, and it left Ed reeling. For just a moment, all he could do was sit perched between Roy’s legs and stare.

Shaking his head, Ed did his best to swallow down his own anxiousness. His human palm splayed across Roy’s chest, fingers dragging downward as he worked up the nerve to even begin to approach this. Roy’s eyes opened to dark slits to watch him, but he neither pulled away nor tried to hurry Ed along.

It felt like forever before he was back to where he’d left off, fingers trailing along the hollows of Roy’s hips. There was a stuttered sigh as Roy’s thighs parted further in invitation. For all Ed usually thought of him as sweet, Roy looked rather debauched just then, hair splayed across the pillows, cheeks flushed with barely constrained want.

He might have stayed that way, his hand straying in barely teasing touches, if not for Roy. Pale fingers curled around his, and it wasn’t pushy or anxious, just warm and gentle and there. Ed’s lips curled in a fond smile, and in the moment, he couldn’t sort out for the life of him what he was afraid of.

Ed gently pulled his fingers free to retrieve the bottle, forgotten somewhere along the way. He poured some of its contents over his fingers, and there was nothing left to wait for. Letting out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, Ed brushed slick fingers over Roy’s entrance before carefully pressing one in.

Roy’s reactions were nothing short of enthralling. Only the innate need to make this only good kept Ed’s attention anywhere beyond the low whimper that bled from Roy’s lips, or the way his hands fisted in the sheets as if to stead himself. Ed’s eyes flicked over Roy, taking it all in and he pulled his finger back, pressing forward once more.

Entirely focused on Roy, Ed couldn’t quite recall when one finger became two, or when this came easily enough that Roy’s hips snapped back to bear down against him. What he did remember was the way Roy’s eyes went wide, lips parted for a sound that never made it past his throat as Ed crooked his fingers, brushing over the bundle of nerves there. He couldn’t help the smile that crawled across his lips as he watched Roy stare at nothing, his eyes just a bit glazed.

Somehow, they managed. Ed dredged up a sort of patience he wasn’t aware he was even in possession of. That Roy only rarely seemed to tense up spoke such volumes of how much trust he had in Ed, and that was almost more overwhelming than the love he professed.

Ed drew his fingers away, grinning at the soft plaintive sound that accompanied the action. The only strange thing about settling on his knees between Roy’s thighs was the way it wasn’t odd at all. They fit together well, Roy’s arms curling in what seemed like an instinctive motion to fit around his waist.

Ed whimpered as he rocked his hips forward, slowly sheathing himself. He shivered with the effort it took to be careful, biting his lip in hopes that the pain would ward off his body’s urge to do something humiliating. It felt like ages before his hips were pressed as far forward as they would go, and he sagged against Roy, already panting.

He wanted, he wanted and it was an endless, insistent litany in his head. For all that his body begged, pleaded and howled at him to move, Ed only balanced himself on his automail. His human fingers gently stroked Roy’s sides as he listened to harsh, almost pained breathing even out. Roy’s voice was anything but steady when he finally whispered in Ed’s ear that it was alright to move.

If once felt good, to pull back and do it again was heavenly. The warmth of Roy’s body around him was something like suffocating. Ed whimpered, burying his face in the crook of Roy’s neck.

He’d done this plenty of times, but never… on this end of things. It was new and perfect, if only because he didn’t know better. Ed smiled against Roy’s neck at the rattling gasps that bled from his companion’s lips with each snap of his hips.

Already, he could feel himself teetering. For all it was nice to think about this being slow and drawn out and earth shattering, it had been so long and never like this. Utterly enthralled by the man beneath him, Ed was overwhelmed in mind and body, and it was all he could do to hang on as they fell into a jerky sort of rhythm.

So close, so close and he was not going to humiliate himself like this. Not when they had the rest of their lives and he’d never hear the end of it. Scraping together what shattered coherence he could manage, Ed scrabbled for the things he had liked, but it seemed a lifetime ago and he wasn’t really sure he wanted to remember.

With lips over Roy’s, he swallowed down the pleading moan that met his ears as he wormed his hand between them, curling it around Roy’s cock. He was hard to balance, harder to match the rocking of his hips with the movement of his hands, but it was worth it for the frantic sounds that drowned themselves in the kisses they shared, and the way Roy’s nails dug sinfully into Ed’s skin.

Ed’s fingers hand barely had the chance to move. Roy jerked harshly against him, scrabbling aimlessly at Ed’s back. In the end, Ed wasn’t sure if it was the desperate, stuttered moan in his ear or the sudden clutch of Roy’s body around him that shattered what control remained. Ignoring the sticky heat between them, Ed pressed closer, hips rocking forward once more to the refrain of muscles that spasmed around him, and soft, breathless words whispered against his ear.

For the longest time, there was nothing. Sated and feeling weightless, he barely managed to expend the energy required to free himself from Roy. The grimace that crossed his lips as he pulled away from the sticky mess between them was largely reflexive.

They lay sprawled across the mattress, gasping for breath as they finally began to come down. Ed glanced at Roy, who was still staring blankly at the ceiling, and laughed with a freedom he’d really felt here before. Roy, for his part, ignored the mess, curling up beside Ed once he regained the energy.

Ed couldn’t quite find the energy to mind. Roy’s head was tucked beneath his chin, though he was too tired to put much thought to how perfect it felt. He was lulled by soft sweeps of fingers over his bare spine as he pressed his face to the mattress. If this was what he had to look forward to for the rest of his life? Well… he could live with that.
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