Rachel (inugrlrayn) wrote,
Rachel
inugrlrayn

Losing Face #79 Rejected

Title: Losing Face
Fandom: FMA
Pairing RoyxEd
Author: inugrlrayn
Rating: PG for kissing.
Prompt: 100moods #79 Rejected
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or it's characters and all that jazz.
Author's note: angst angst angst.... that's about it.



Ed frowned at the clear blue sky overhead. It was always sunny when he was sad. Couldn’t it at least have the decency to cry so that he could? If it was raining, he wouldn’t have to keep scrubbing at his face, pressing hard with the heel of his hand. If it was raining, he would have a safe excuse to look as miserable as he was feeling. The weather had no mercy, though, and the sun shone on.

His heart pounded in his throat as he stared at the Colonel, willing himself to speak, but the words would not come. His tongue was thick and useless in his mouth, and he wanted, needed to say something to do something, but he was frozen.

“Are you alright?” Roy asked, genuine concern picking away at his usual, cold façade.

Ed tried to answer, but what could he say? What words would explain that he wanted desperately to kiss him, to rip away the uniform and just touch, run his fingers over every inch of porcelain skin? What could effectively get the point across that he was falling, falling
hard? Damn the man for being so untouchable, because all Ed could think about was glittering charcoal eyes and ivory skin, how soft Roy’s hair would feel if he could just get his fingers on it.

Cheeks pink with embarrassment at his own thoughts, Ed took a deep, choking breath.

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine,” Roy prodded, and that was it. Ed couldn’t live with this one more night, couldn’t stand another minute wondering.

Roy’s lips were soft and firm, different somehow from what he’d expected. He made no move to return the gesture as Ed kissed him sloppily, only blinking once when he pulled away in frustration.

“Fullmetal… I really don’t think…” Whatever Roy wanted to say was cut off.

“Please. I… I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking and I just…” Ed stammered, his words tripping over each other in their hurry to get out.

“Fullmetal,” Roy started, and there was the title, caressing Ed with just that much more despair.

“What?” Ed paused in his panicked tirade, long enough to wait for Roy to crush his heart a little more.

“Listen, this… this just isn’t an option. I’m flattered, and it’s not that you’re not… attractive.” Roy swallowed, his legendary composure cracked, and while it was somewhat out of want, all Ed saw was that he was being turned away.

“We just can’t, not while you’re seventeen, and under my command,” Roy regarded him warily, the slightest fondness creeping across his features, but the suggestion that perhaps there was a chance
after this was all over was missed entirely by Ed.

“I…sorry,” Ed mumbled, turning tail and fleeing the office, never daring to look back.


Ed refused to think about the possibility that there was more to this, that he wasn’t being rejected outright. It hurt to much to hope, not after all that he’d lost, including his dignity after that incident.

With a heavy, pained sigh, he swiped at traitorous eyes once more. There was no reason to cry. He didn’t care that his feelings weren’t reciprocated. He hadn’t wanted Roy to kiss him, anyway.
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