Rachel (inugrlrayn) wrote,
Rachel
inugrlrayn

State of Denial

Title: State of Denial
Fandom: FMA
Pairing: EdxEd, implied RoyxEd
Author: inugrlrayn
Rating: NC-17
Author's Note: Thank you to cryogenia for letting me spam at you and giving me some awesome ideas. :D
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or it's characters and all that jazz.
Summary: So that RoyxEdxEd thing I wrote the other day was supposed to be a one shot, and it just keeps growing... Here's another little bit piece the doubleverse




Ed looked long and hard at his reflection in the mirror. There was nothing out of the ordinary about it. He was not overcome with any urge to kiss it, cuddle it, fuck it, or punch it. Until that moment, he hadn’t even realized it was possible to be relieved and disappointed at the same time. He’d at least satisfied himself that he wasn’t some sort of weird narcissistic… something. That made his dubious attraction to Edward even more confusing, though.

He wasn’t even sure what to make of Roy’s lack of jealousy on the matter. In fact, Roy mostly just seemed amused, both at its existence, and the way Ed fought with it. He avoided Edward some days, giving in long enough to eat, and then ignoring him until it was time for bed. Roy usually was up before them, and it still startled him in the mornings to wake up faced with… himself.

Other days, he felt bad for abandoning Edward to his own devices. It wasn’t fun to be alone after all. Those days almost disturbed him more, because it was harder to pretend that he wasn’t a little bit enticed by his doppelganger.

Edward, for his part, did not seem to find it necessary to fight with this at all. Apparently, the fact that he was sure he was dreaming made him not question the logic of playing kissy face with himself. That was only more of a danger as far as Ed was concerned. Any time he remained around Edward for an extended length of time, something stupid and usually mildly compromising ended up happening, though except for the first couple of days, it was never anything beyond a few strange, familiar kisses. Roy seemed rather amused by that, too.

In fact, Roy seemed amused by a lot of things, telling Ed that it really only made sense, because even if he didn’t want to admit it, he was very attractive. Roy had told him that perhaps he was just completely irresistible, even to himself, and then kissed him until he forgot what they’d been talking about.

This was definitely Roy’s fault… somehow, Ed decided, stalking out of the bathroom and back to the living room where Edward was reading. It was a bad idea, a terrible idea, but he wanted to know why.

Ed flopped on the opposite end of the couch from Edward, drawing his knees up to his chest, back against the armrest, and stared. Edward didn’t really seem to notice, apparently very interested in his book. Ed kept staring, eventually receiving a soft, put upon, sigh for his efforts, but nothing more.

“What is it that’s so different about you?” Ed growled finally.

“Different?” Edward asked, glancing up from his book.

“Well, there has to be some reason why I… why I…” He couldn’t say it. He just couldn’t.

“Why you… like me? Want to kiss me? Want to fuck me?” Edward offered a few endings to the sentence, waiting for Ed to pick one. His counterpart only nodded, and Ed distantly seethed that Roy would have been very amused by the blush that crossed both their faces.

“What makes you think this is a dream, anyway?” Ed choked out.

“It’s the only thing that makes sense. I wasn’t near the Gate or doing… actually I don’t even remember what I was doing,” Edward admitted.

Ed envied him the littlest bit. There was nothing glamorous about being trapped in your own dream, assuming that was indeed what this was indeed a dream. There was, however, an amazing sort of freedom that came with having no consequences, a quality t\hat hardly made Edward bat an eye at their whole ridiculous situation.

“Well, if you’re dreaming, this is all your fault,” he huffed finally.

“Most people don’t control their dreams,” Edward countered, eyes back on his book.

“You seem to control what you do.”

“Look, I didn’t ask you or the Roy here to try to have sex with me, okay?” Edward was blushing again, practically hiding behind the pages he was reading.

“You didn’t say no, either.”

“Neither did you,” Edward pointed out.

“I…” Ed began, but his jaw clicked shut as he realized Edward really was right.

“You?”

“I just… I don’t really know what’s going on,” he admitted.

“Well, I don’t either, but… but I really just want to go home already.”

Ed wished Edward’s misery didn’t make his chest hurt. Maybe he really was just Edward’s dream after all.

“Hey, if we’re just made up… what happens to us when you wake up?”

“Well… you…” Edward stopped, realizing how cruel it was to tell someone they’d simply cease to exist.

“I can’t stay here forever,” he clarified.

Ed just nodded. Even if Edward leaving didn’t bring the world down around his ears, he had to admit that the house was a lot less lonely when he had someone else to work on his research projects with.

“Well, there was a time before you, so… so I think you’re just being silly or in denial or something.”

“It doesn’t really matter whether it’s real or not. I just want to go home. I kind of miss my Roy. You know… the one I’m actually allowed to touch without you going off on me most of the time.”

“Well, if he was yours, you’d be mad at me, too,” Ed grumbled.

“You realize I’ve been here for a month, right?”

“… Yes.”

“Do you have any idea how often I have to listen to you two? It’s not like I can just leave or something.”

“Umm… sorry?” Ed scratched his fingers through his hair.

“I should go find a girlfriend or something. Then, when I go, you can explain to her why you suddenly don’t want sex anymore,” Edward replied, grinning evilly.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Wouldn’t I? I mean, after all. I’m not the one who’d have to deal with the consequences,” Edward pointed out.

“I hate you,” Ed murmured.

“Do you now?” Edward put the book down finally.

“Yes,” Ed exclaimed.

“You’re expression says rather different. I’d know… after all, it’s the same look I give Roy when…” There was more, but it was muffled by a pillow backed by Ed.

“Are you trying to kill me?” Edward screeched, tumbling off the couch and onto the floor with Ed on top of him.

“You’re being an ass,” Ed complained.

“You would be too under the circumstances.”

Three weeks. Ed tried to think back to the last time he’d gone without for three weeks, and came up with a mission that had lasted very nearly a month. He couldn’t remember a time he’d been grumpier or more desperate, and even if the whole situation was a little disturbing, he could at least understand.

“Sorry… I really… I don’t know…”

Edward was pulling on his head, tongue flicking over his lips. They parted with a sigh, and there were hands in his hair and running down his spine, and only now did it occur to him how compromising their positions were.

“Edward, would you wait a minute? I really don’t think,” Ed started, tugging his mouth away, but Edward only glared at him.

“Good. Keep not thinking. Just shut up or something.”

“There’s got to be something wrong with this,” Ed muttered.

“Since when has something not being right ever made a difference before? Please, please just… god, I can’t believe I’m begging myself for this,” Edward growled, squirming his hips beneath Ed.

Ed sighed. He was pretty much out of excuses. After all, Edward was rather difficult to resist, and Roy honestly didn’t seem to mind much… and… and that was about all that was stopping him. His stomach didn’t turn so much now when he looked down, guilt overridden by lust at this point.

He leaned over, dragging his tongue over Edward’s throat. There was a low, appreciative moan, and it vibrated against his mouth.

“Oh god, thank you.”

“Just shut up,” Ed muttered.

“Well aren’t you just amazingly charming?” Edward scowled. His complaints, however, were lost amongst murmurs and groans as Ed yanked at his shirt, attacking the bare skin beneath it with his tongue.

Edward writhed under Ed’s lips, a squirming mess of hiccupped moans and grasping fingers. Ed licked and nipped at jaw and neck again, eyes shut tight, ignoring the familiar feel of leather beneath his hands. With a deep breath, he yanked the snap free, slipping his hand beneath pants and boxers.

“Oh fuck,” Edward ground out, hips shifting upward against Ed’s palm.

“What the hell? Would you stay the fuck still?” Ed growled. They could not possibly be the same person. He was never this squirmy. How was he supposed to get Edward’s pants off enough to finish this when he wouldn’t stop moving, anyway?

“Why don’t you try staying still when someone is finally touching you after a freaking month?” Edward spat irritably.

“You have a hand, don’t you?”

“It’s not the same and you know it. You at least get laid on a regular basis.” Edward looked for a second like he might say more, but Ed had finally managed to worm Edward’s pants down around his thighs, and was sliding his hand back up towards his cock. He wiggled a little bit, reaching out to run his palms along Ed’s hips, and maybe eventually get around to returning the favor.

Ed thought rather distantly about the things he enjoyed, leaning forward to sink his teeth into Edward’s shoulder. Apparently, the other Ed liked it, too, because he was cursing and shoving up into Ed’s hand a little bit more roughly.

“God you’re loud,” Ed muttered against Edward’s skin.

“You should hear yourself,” Edward retorted between panting breaths, tilting his head back against the floor as he arched into Ed’s steady strokes. Ed’s breath caught then, and there was finally a palm against his own length, offering arrhythmic friction.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ed asked between pants.

“There isn’t anywhere in this house I don’t have to… ahhh… listen to you two.” Ed blinked despite the hand pumping his cock, because he really had to be astonished at Edward’s ability to be both turned on and grumpy at the same time. Was he really like that?

“You just like to think about us having sex,” Ed murmured wickedly in his ear. Edward blushed, barely discernable amidst the heat and flush already splashed across his skin, but there none the less. Ed only knew because he was blushing over it, too.

“Oh get off it. This has nothing to do with you,” Edward growled, slightly less effective in the way his words were dotted with pleasured squeaks and moans.

Ed squeezed his eyes shut a little bit tighter, but it only made things more poignant. The idea that Edward listened to them… was the sort of thing he’d do in that same situation… seeing as how he was somewhat attracted to both people in question he guessed. The idea of Edward lying back on the couch, drowning in the sounds of his and Roy’s lovemaking, touching himself…

“Oh fuck,” Ed whimpered, shuddering his release. The pulsing of his cock in Edward’s hand seemed to be enough to shove his doppelganger over the edge, and he was crying out then, loud and sharp, and even in post coital bliss, Ed had do wonder if he made those ridiculous sounds too.

Edward’s shoulders sank into the carpet and he panted, fighting to catch his breath. One look at him and all Ed could think about was oh god they were both a mess, and what was Roy going to say because surely his brand of understanding did not extend to having sex with someone else when he wasn’t around. It was hard to tell, really, because he wasn’t exactly having sex with someone else, but it was a him who was in a separate body, and that might be just as bad.

The door handle was turning then, and Ed’s first inclination was to run, but Edward was currently dead to the world, currently staring emptily at the ceiling. There was no way to get them both cleaned up before the door opened, so he didn’t bother. It wasn’t as if he could hide what had just happened anyway.

“Ed, I’m…” Roy’s voice momentarily died in his throat as he regarded the scene in the living room. Ed cringed inwardly, knowing how bad it looked. After all, Edward’s pants were still around his thighs, and there was white splattered across his stomach. Ed at least had his pants on, but was otherwise in a state of relative disarray.

“Home…” Roy finished, tongue flicking thoughtfully over his lips, and despite the walled off demeanor he generally demonstrated, Ed could see the wheels spinning as he tried to decide whether he was angry or not.

“Well… don’t let me stop you,” he said somewhat tartly, turning on his heel and heading for the kitchen.

Ed groaned.
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